Tell All Tuesday!

So by now you all know that I turned the Dirty Thirty last week. In this week's edition of Tell All Tuesday, I would now like to share with you some of the highlights of the weekend (minus the drama - AKA totalled car, $200 tab, unnecessary fight):

"You'll always be my sexual chocolate....I mean, asexual vanilla."

"This lipgloss kinda burns. It's like it hurts but feels good at the same time."
"Oh, you mean like anal sex?"

"Ash, can you move the pitcher from the corner of the table."
"Bobby, can you please move your gay ass from the corner of the table."

"I'll take the meat lovers."
"Will that be bone IN?"

"Are these made of glass? Or plastic?"
"It's glastic."

"I like your matching sweater & beanie....do you shop at Baby Gap?"

"All this music totally reminds me of..." "8th grade!! I know!!" "I was going to say my senior year......"

"I love how there was a life sized old man that said 'please do not touch' and you automatically walked in the door and reached out to touch it." <--Actually, I went to shake his hand.

"oh... oh no... this is bad..." from inside the bathroom stall. (Bloody nose fiasco)

We couldn't stay inside the restaurant without cackling, so we sat outside in the foyer and I read Melissa a child's story... WHILE people were walking in and out!

I went ahead and fixed my own drink when our bartender was MIA.

Came home with a giant bag full of fance dinner napkins from the bar....found out later that our waitress gave that to us in case anyone needed to puke on the drive home.

Srsly....good times!

Actual photos coming soon!!!

Ashleyisms and Melissofied Words

AND NOW, I would like to introduce you to a new section of the BB: Ashleyisms & Melissofied Words.

We've all been there....when you're telling a story or explaining something and there are literally just NO WORDS in our wonderful language to give the full effect of what you want to convey. Much like there is no other word to offer the same emphasis as the word "fuck," but I'll get into that in another blog. In times like this, there's just no other option other than to create your OWN word.

We pride ourselves on our creativity in adding to the English language. You may not find these words defined by Webster....but Webster just isn't as bad ass as we are. We will periodically update you with more Ashleyisms & Melissofied words as we encounter them. But here are a few to feed your bunger for the time being:


Retardosity - a state of being retarded, slow, or unintelligent
**Ex: She is so efing stupid, her retardosity radiates out her face.

Jackassish and Jackassishness - having jack ass qualities, acting in a jack ass manner
**Ex: That guy is such a d bag - he is the most jackassish guy I know. His jackassishness is out of control.

Awesomeosity / Awesomenessity - the act of owning one's awesomeness
**Ex: We are the coolest people I know. Our awesomeosity outranks all others. No one else has this level of awesomenessity.

Ridiculotarded - the act of being both ridiculous...and retarded.
**Ex: We were soooo wasted last night, it was ridiculotarded.


Until we bung again!
~Ash-hole