unBUNG Heroes: On the Clock Idiotics

My idea of screwing around at work involves checking my Facebook and playing Spider Solitaire. These fine gentlemen, however, win the title belt of time-wasting at the work place. And I did say gentlemen, as in plural. Usually a person goes out of their way to make it look like they are NOT screwing around at work, and most generally go it alone. Not these dudes - they laugh in the face of job security and really go for some truly spectacular group slacking-off. And then they shared it with the world. It makes me feel both insanely proud and terribly inadequate, and I wish these guys were my BFFs.

Fellow BUNG Blogger, The Ash-hole, found this video on her friend's blog, fairweatherrunner.blogspot.com. Apparently, The Fair Weather Runner is just as proud of her brother-in-law's work ethic as we are!

We at the BUNG Blog are proud to present these "Lords of Lying Down on the Job" with our most prestigious title: you are our unBUNG Heroes. Keep those webcams rolling.

The last time I blogged? Nineteen Schfifty Five

"It's been a long time. We shouldn't have left you. Without a dope beat to step to. Bikka bikka bikka baby girl." If you know that song, you're just as retarded as we are!

It's true, though. We shouldn't have aBUNGdoned you as we have. Just for that, I'm going to teach you a little something about my favorite number:

WTF Wednesday: Well, Hell's Bells...

Welcome to The Bung Blog's newest edition of WTF Wednesday.

This is an honest-to-goodness WTF. Let's even slow it down a bit: W. T. F.
Here's to making your mommy and daddy proud on national television...

This little gem comes to us from bangedup.com:



And a quick note to bangedup.com:
I could very well LOVE your site, except that I have to enter my credit card information in order to view it for "age verification purposes". Sure wish I could just say, "yeah, I'm 18" and get in. And don't I WISH I was only 18 again...

Feel Bungtastic!!

We, at The Bung Blog, like to promote all things BUNG.

With that being said, you can imagine our surprise when we found an add for BUNG Balm! For one, how is there ANYTHING out there at this point in time with the word "BUNG" in it that we are not yet aware of?? And secondly, hello - we have Google Ads! Get that shit on there! We need an ad for Bung Balm, yo! So that ALL of our readers can feel Bungtastic ALL the time!

Funky Fresh Friday: "B to the M"

We at The Bung Blog wish to introduce you to our official mascot.
This sour cream & onion breath bastard of a mythical creature was created by your Bung Blog authors 15 years ago on a high school basketball bus trip. A distant cousin to Napoleon Dynamite's "Liger", he had us from "Eat shit, Bunghole Breath!"

Today, we breathe life into our gelatinous glob by giving him a voice.
Here for your listening pleasure, I'm pleased to present - for the very first time ANYWHERE - The Bunghole Monster's first rap single, entitled "B to the M."

Please leave your comments for the BungMaster Flash!

Thirsty Thursday: The Bung Slinger

It's Thirsty Thursday, yo! And you know what that means....time to pay tribute to a special alcoholic beverage. Today's featured beverage is the one and only BungSlinger. Now, the bung slinger may not be the tastiest of shots (let's face it, the alcohol used is Jack Daniels), but what's not to love about ANYTHING with "bung" in the title!

So get out there today and treat yourself to some bung!


Bung Slinger

Drink Type: Shooter - B
Ingredients
1/3 oz. 7-Up - (more)
1/3 oz. Jack Daniel's Whiskey - (more)
1/3 oz. Orange Juice - (more)

Instructions:
Combine in a shot glass & go for it!

Birthday: Bloggified!

Does everyone know what today is?! Not only is it the 69th day of the year (true story!) and the 32nd anniversary of the day astronomers discovered rings around Uranus (also true - there's a lot of cool shit about March 10th!!!) but is also the 30th anniversary of the day The Militia was expulsed from her mother's uterus! That's right, folks - please join me in wishing a fan-fucking-tastic 30th birthday upon my homie, my partner-in-crime, co-author of The Bung Blog: THE MILITIA!

This chica and I go waaaaaay back! I'm talking back to when our age was displayed in single digits, back when Reagan was the prez, and back before internetting (even DIAL UP!!!). 1986 was the year, and had it not been for a horrific wardrobe malfunction (a theme in our lives) in Mrs. Cooper's 2nd grade class, we just might not be where we are today. What would the world be like without Ash-Hole & The Militia?? Well, there would certainly be fewer water gun drive-by's, The Bung Blog would not exist (nor would the OBB - Original Bung Book), and the 7th sense would be completely unknown to all.

What have we been through in our near-23 years of BEST friendship? What HAVEN'T we been through?! From jumping on trampolines together and playing with our imaginary friend "Jade" who lived in the drain of my parents' pool, to driving across the country together and being in each others' weddings, we've been through it all. We've been roommates, we've been houligans, we've been hungover (duh), we've been considered straight up insane by most, we've been drunk, we've been in fights, we've nearly been arrested, we've been kicked out of public places, we've been each other's life lines. The Militia has always been here for me - she pushed me on the tire swing, she shared my first beer and first cigarette with me (both of which we stole from her step-dad), she let me cry on her shoulder during my first broken heart, she's held my hair while I puked on MANY occasions, she helped me move across the country when my relationship fell apart, she gave me a place to live when I had no where else to go, she stood up with me at my wedding, she STILL lets me call her to cry when things aren't going well, and she will always ALWAYS be my asexual vanilla!

So here's to all the horrible karoke we've sung, all the dancing on bars we've done, and to what is known as BUNG! May the next decade of your life be as bad assed as the first 3!

HAPPY 30th HOLMES!!! I LOVE YER ASS!!!

UnBUNG Heros: Beavis & Butthead

And now........

to pay homage to the founders of BUNG, we extend our deepest gratitude and widest bungholes to the bungholes we adore most:

Beavis & Butthead!

These fart knockers have made us laugh until our sides hurt....until we cried....until we peed our pants....and basically until some sort of liquids came out of the various orifices of our bodies! Their maturity level is pretty much equal to ours. We all laugh at words like wood, pole, log, and crack. We share the same love of laughing, music, trying to score, and BUNG!

We spent countless hours in our youth watching Beavis & Butthead marathons, and have viewed Beavis & Butthead Do America more times that you can imagine. We've been doing Cornholio impressions since the beginning of time.....or since the beginning of bung, at least.

So now, for your viewing pleasure, I introduce to you the next volume of UnBUNG Heros:

BEAVIS & BUTTHEAD

Writers BLOLck

The bung has been neglected as of late. And as I sit here trying to think of some randomly unintelligent bang off to feed your bunger (kinda like hunger, but different), I cannot seem to squander up any sort of bung whatsoever... I guess you could say I have a bungHOLE in my head.

Then I started to think about why kind of thoughts might fall out of such a bungHOLE and I was left with a few randoms for you to bung over:

**If amputees can have phantom pain in their missing limbs, can a post-op male-to-female transgender get phantom boners??

**If you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, can you ever just be whelmed??

**Why do men have nipples?? I mean, seriously.....it's not like they have any use for them.

If anyone has any answers to these deeply intriguing questions, please oh please feel free to share your insight.

Until we bung again,

Ash-Hole

You down with OBB?

Yeah, you know me!!!








So by now you may be wondering, why the BUNG blog?? Well, there is a perfectly good explanation for this....and it all begins with the OBB, AKA the Original Bung Book. You see, the bung BLOG is a technological upgrade of the OBB, a Bung Book Version 2.0, if you will. So get settled in and comfy and I'll begin my lesson for the day: Bung Book History 101.





First of all, to understand what happened to the OBB, you gotta understand who the OBB was. Now the OBB was born to a three-legged bitch of a mother. He was always ashamed of this, man. Oh wait.....wrong story....

The Bung Book actually began as a notebook between 2 high school girls (Ashley AKA Ash-Hole, Holio and Melissa AKA Militia, Bung) in December, 1994. It began as a means for passing notes in high school....only way cooler notes than your run-of-the-mill high school notes. The Bung Book included features such as Top 10 Lists (David Letterman style) and pasted-on magazine clippings. The name "The Bung Book" can only be attributed to Beavis and Butthead...and of course, the Bunghole Monster himself.

As time went on, additional sections were added to the Bung Book, including the "memories list" to document years worth of notable memories, quotes, sayings, Ashleyisms, and Melissofied words. "Picture Notes" also became a significant part of the Bung Book. To grasp the concept of a picture note, picture in your mind one of the funniest moments in your life. Now, imagine an illustration of that moment. Did it just get funnier?

Circa 2000, a Bung Song was written and added to the book. A Bung Book Sequel was produced in 2002.

Though the original Bung Book will never die and will forever be a treasure, it has had a rough life and after 14+ years of being passed around and even traveling the country (Bung Trip, August 2000) it is beginning to fall apart and needs to be preserved so that it may be enjoyed for generations to come. Thus, the Bung Blog.

While the Bung Blog is still in the beginning stages, the future plans of the blog include:

**Uploading picture notes from the OBB
**Transferring the Memories List...and adding to it
**Adding new features to the bung, including but not limited to: Unbung Heros

So there you have it, the history of the BUNG. And now that you are up-to-speed, please stay tuned for the future of the BUNG - promised to bring even greater memories, more laughs, and a whole new level of bang off!

Ode To a Coney Loaf

Since this blog is dedicated to "All Things Bung," I feel the need to not only provide the world with the definition of a coney loaf, but to also continue to document my own coney experiences as I have in journals past.


First things first. Perhaps you've seen the famous "poopie list" ? If not, here you go:

Ghost Poopie - The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie - The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie - The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie - This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie - The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Gassy Poopie - It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Poopie - The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Poopie - The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie - Self-explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie - The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie - That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) - The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie - The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie - It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise Poopie - You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!! (Also known as a shart - because you SHit when you mean to fART)

The Dangling Poopie - This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

While I do agree that this list is sheer genius, I feel that a very specific type of "poopie," or BUNG, if you will, has been over looked. This, my friends, is known as the coney loaf.

Coney Loaf - A loaf of poop nearly a foot long or more, resembling the appearance of a footlong hot dog (or coney, if you will), thus being named the CONEY LOAF. Coney Loaves are most notable for their occurance after a long night of binge drinking, but are also known to make other surprise appearances here and there.

Now, I suppose you could call a coney loaf a lincoln log poopie, but let's just face it - the word "poopie" is just down right efin gay. So there you have it, the bung experts themselves refer to this type of bung as a coney loaf, 2:0.

If you have ever coney loafed, please post here! I will document my coney loaf occurances for you because, well, who doesn't want to keep up with my bowels? Really?