Birthday: Bloggified!

Does everyone know what today is?! Not only is it the 69th day of the year (true story!) and the 32nd anniversary of the day astronomers discovered rings around Uranus (also true - there's a lot of cool shit about March 10th!!!) but is also the 30th anniversary of the day The Militia was expulsed from her mother's uterus! That's right, folks - please join me in wishing a fan-fucking-tastic 30th birthday upon my homie, my partner-in-crime, co-author of The Bung Blog: THE MILITIA!

This chica and I go waaaaaay back! I'm talking back to when our age was displayed in single digits, back when Reagan was the prez, and back before internetting (even DIAL UP!!!). 1986 was the year, and had it not been for a horrific wardrobe malfunction (a theme in our lives) in Mrs. Cooper's 2nd grade class, we just might not be where we are today. What would the world be like without Ash-Hole & The Militia?? Well, there would certainly be fewer water gun drive-by's, The Bung Blog would not exist (nor would the OBB - Original Bung Book), and the 7th sense would be completely unknown to all.

What have we been through in our near-23 years of BEST friendship? What HAVEN'T we been through?! From jumping on trampolines together and playing with our imaginary friend "Jade" who lived in the drain of my parents' pool, to driving across the country together and being in each others' weddings, we've been through it all. We've been roommates, we've been houligans, we've been hungover (duh), we've been considered straight up insane by most, we've been drunk, we've been in fights, we've nearly been arrested, we've been kicked out of public places, we've been each other's life lines. The Militia has always been here for me - she pushed me on the tire swing, she shared my first beer and first cigarette with me (both of which we stole from her step-dad), she let me cry on her shoulder during my first broken heart, she's held my hair while I puked on MANY occasions, she helped me move across the country when my relationship fell apart, she gave me a place to live when I had no where else to go, she stood up with me at my wedding, she STILL lets me call her to cry when things aren't going well, and she will always ALWAYS be my asexual vanilla!

So here's to all the horrible karoke we've sung, all the dancing on bars we've done, and to what is known as BUNG! May the next decade of your life be as bad assed as the first 3!

HAPPY 30th HOLMES!!! I LOVE YER ASS!!!

Photo Album Friday!

Welcome to Photo Album Friday! This week we will be featuring photos from my 30th birthday party. The theme: debauchery! Enjoy!

There you have it, folks. Lots of bolligerance, debauchery, shots, jager bombs, 7th's, crazy poses, drinking, craziness, insanity, followed by more drinking, craziness, and insanity. Words just don't describe....but the pics sure do.

Until we bung again!

The Dirty Thirty

Please allow me a moment to blogify about a person who has had my back (quite literally) for 23 years. She first had my back in 2nd grade on Halloween when she was the only person to tell me that my homemade poodle skirt made of felt was tucked severely into my underwear while standing at the chalkboard in front of the classroom. She had my back in high school cheerleading when she dove to catch me from a 12-foot-high stunt gone wrong. She made sure to sit me down and explain to my broken heart that my 3-year-long high school crush was indeed, fucking ugly. She's told to me to quit hanging out the window talking shit when bike cops pulled her over while she was attempting to drive my drunk ass home from the bar. She's held my hair back while I puked, she makes me laugh until I pee my pants, and every time I open my Facebook page, there's always a fresh "poke" waiting for me from her.

It's not a simple feat to still be besties with your childhood friend after 23 years, and through everything, I wouldn't trade mine for 400 pounds of pudding, or any other really important thing that you could barter with.

Happy 30th Birthday to my bestie, co-founder of The Original Bung Book, The Hunger Speech, and The Bung Blog.

You'll always be "Jeans and Shirt Ashley" to me.

Now, for your viewing pleasure - a very small sampling of our journey together... so far.

Birthday Shout Out!

We, at The Bung Blog, would like to take time out of our busy lives to wish a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to this crazy bitch right here:

Miss CHELSEA HANDLER!!!

We consider her our pisces sister. Like us, she has a bad ass 7th and we pretty much think she's the funniest bitch alive.

I have personally been following Chelsea since back in the day when she was on Girls Behaving Badly:

I own & cherish both of her critically acclaimed books:

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One Night Stands and Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea


The title of My Horizontal Life says it all. This book chronicals the insane sexcapades of young, single woman who dabbles in ecstacy, anal beads, and sleeping with midgets. Basically your standard bedroom romps of your 20's.

Are You There Vodka walks you through the typical belligerance and debauchery of the typical American woman. And if these stories aren't typical for you, well....I guess you're just not as cool as we are.

These days, you can find Chelsea on Chelsea Lately on the E! Network weeknights at 11:00pm (10:00 central).

If you don't adore Chelsea as much as we do, then I'm afraid we can no longer be bloggie friends.

Oh, and my favorite little nugget would like to wish Chelsea a happy birthday as well:

Once again, HAPPY EFIN BIRTHDAY, CHELSEA!!! We love your crazy ass!

Until we bung again, folks!

~Ash-Hole & The Militia~