True Story Tuesday: A LIVE! Exclusive - Broken Bra

*** This is a live entry - what I'm about to tell you is happening at this very moment. And lucky you - you have access to this exclusive coverage only at The BUNG Blog! ***

So, I've never been accused of having giant hooters (or really any hooters for that matter). Why this is happening to me now is beyond me, and probably most people who may know me. I'm sitting here at work, just finished having a discussion with my boss about taxes. He walks away headed for his office, and I settle back in to work - I take a swig of tea from my Big Gulp, straighten my stack of folders, and sit back in my chair while making a quick adjustment to my bra.

RRRRRRRRIPPP!

Oh. Shit. Something's obviously not right. I take a quick peeksie down the front of my shirt. At this moment, my bra is still attached thanks to only a few tiny threads in between the two boobie cups. I'm now sitting so deathly still, typing without moving from the elbow up, breathing as slow and shallow as possible, in a probably futile attempt to finish out the last two hours of my work day (at a FRONT DESK) with a bra. Customers don't appreciate free boobing.
Maybe I'll be able to sneak the stapler into the bathroom and try a quick fix. Son. Of. A. Bitch.

And THIS... is True Life Tuesday.

True Story Tuesday: "Jeans & Shirt Ashley"

Welcome to a new segment of the Bung Blog: True Story Tuesday. Here, we will enlighten you with TRUE STORIES (duh, if the title didn't give that away, then your 6th is probably non-existant....and probably your 7th as well) about our bungy lives. And if you don't feel fully enlightened by the end, then we stand by our money-back-guarantee that "if you're not paying us shit, then we don't owe you shit, so f off."

The TRUE STORY I'm about to share is entitled Jeans & Shirt Ashley.

This story took place in the fall of 2000. Melissa and I were getting ready for a typical night out at the bar, pre-drinking at the house we lived in and enjoying SEVERAL vodka beverages - heavy on the vodka (Bartons - the college drinker's vodka of choice - hey, it's only $10 and when you consume mass amounts of booze the way we did, you were gonna be hungover anyways so you might as well get the cheap shit). We proceeded to polish off the entire bottle of vodka and a few Busch Light beers before heading out the door to the bars.

Being the college bar flies that we were, we entered our favorite night spot and proceeded to make the rounds, saying hi to all the other regulars before purchasing drinks and hitting the dance floor. A typical night included lots of flirting with the bartenders, lots of drinking, lots of dancing, lots of cig smoking, lots of drink spillage, lots of trips to the bathroom, lots of number exchanging, occasional falling down, occasional cig burns, occasional puking, rare composure, rare sobriety.

At one point in the night, I realized I hadn't seen my partner-in-crime for at least an hour. I did a brief scan of the bar to see if I could spot her. No luck. I checked the back deck. Still no luck. I finally decided to check the bathroom. I passed the line of girls waiting to pee and poked my head in and yelled "Melissa??" Immediately, a girl grabbed me shouting "Oh good! You must be Jeans & Shirt Ashley!" as she dragged me to the very last stall. Thinking to myself, wtf...Jeans & Shirt Ashley??? I looked in the last stall and there was Melissa, with her head in the toilet, cigarette still in hand, and an innocent smile on her face. "See," she said, smiling, "Jeans & Shirt Ashley."

The girls proceeded to tell me that they could hear her puking in the last stall and asked if she needed some help. Melissa apparently asked them to find her roommate, Ashley. The girls agreed to help and asked what I would be wearing, to which Melissa stated "jeans.....and a shirt." Had she not been so specific, they NEVER would have found me! :)

Perhaps it's one of those stories where you "just had to be there." But I WAS there, and let me tell you, it was pretty efin funny. To this very day, I'm still known as "Jeans & Shirt Ashley." And just to prove the point, the pic above is a pic of me from that night wearing - you guessed it - jeans & a shirt.

Yes, my friends, this is IN FACT a TRUE STORY.