Bang Off on Some Old Chicks

Watch best friends of 23 years, Ashley & Melissa, as they bung shit up on a daily. You'll laugh, you'll cry (from laughing)....but mostly, you'll just laugh. It's the feel-good blog of the year. Rated "fuckin awesome" by all of their followers (which would be just the two of them so far...), this blog is guaranteed to take bang off to a whole new level!

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Friday, January 30, 2009

Ashleyisms and Melissofied Words

AND NOW, I would like to introduce you to a new section of the BB: Ashleyisms & Melissofied Words.

We've all been there....when you're telling a story or explaining something and there are literally just NO WORDS in our wonderful language to give the full effect of what you want to convey. Much like there is no other word to offer the same emphasis as the word "fuck," but I'll get into that in another blog. In times like this, there's just no other option other than to create your OWN word.

We pride ourselves on our creativity in adding to the English language. You may not find these words defined by Webster....but Webster just isn't as bad ass as we are. We will periodically update you with more Ashleyisms & Melissofied words as we encounter them. But here are a few to feed your bunger for the time being:

Retardosity - a state of being retarded, slow, or unintelligent
**Ex: She is so efing stupid, her retardosity radiates out her face.

Jackassish and Jackassishness - having jack ass qualities, acting in a jack ass manner
**Ex: That guy is such a d bag - he is the most jackassish guy I know. His jackassishness is out of control.

Awesomeosity / Awesomenessity - the act of owning one's awesomeness
**Ex: We are the coolest people I know. Our awesomeosity outranks all others. No one else has this level of awesomenessity.

Ridiculotarded - the act of being both ridiculous...and retarded.
**Ex: We were soooo wasted last night, it was ridiculotarded.

Until we bung again!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Did Someone Request Some LOLs?!?!?!

Don't go chasing water LOLs

C...o...r....are you going to the LOL later?

Pussy Cat LOLs

LOL & Void

LOLs to the walls

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Unfortunate Names

In my line of work, I continuously come across HIGH-larious names in our system's database. These are the names of ACTUAL people that happen to be our clients. Now, to protect my job, my company shall remain nameless.....but these unfortunate souls, however, will not.

Mark Butzlaff - when I came across this gentleman in our system, I butzlaffed my ass off.

Laura Buttram - I bet her husband buttrams her every night.

And today I came across Richard Waddell - I have to wonder if people call him Dick Wad for short??

Oh, and let's not forget Uday Dikshit - What did you call me?!? U da Dick Shit, homie!

There are also some stand-alone last names that are worth mentioning as well:


....and many more that I will document as I come across them. ENJOY!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Writers BLOLck

The bung has been neglected as of late. And as I sit here trying to think of some randomly unintelligent bang off to feed your bunger (kinda like hunger, but different), I cannot seem to squander up any sort of bung whatsoever... I guess you could say I have a bungHOLE in my head.

Then I started to think about why kind of thoughts might fall out of such a bungHOLE and I was left with a few randoms for you to bung over:

**If amputees can have phantom pain in their missing limbs, can a post-op male-to-female transgender get phantom boners??

**If you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, can you ever just be whelmed??

**Why do men have nipples?? I mean,'s not like they have any use for them.

If anyone has any answers to these deeply intriguing questions, please oh please feel free to share your insight.

Until we bung again,


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Unbung Heroes Part One:

Welcome to the first Special Edition Made-for-Blogging Mini-Series of the Bung Blog - Unbung Heroes. In this series, we will introduce you to the people, places, and things... Okay, we will introduce you to NOUNS that have touched our bungy hearts and made us laugh until our bungholes puckered. Ultimately, these nouns have forever changed our lives - or at least our e-mail conversation for the afternoon.

The Unbung Heroes I will now introduce to you are nameless... We do not know them, we only know how fucking cool they are on YouTube. This brings us back to the times in our youth when we would spend the night at eachothers' houses and spend the entire night re-making music videos. I'm not talking your normal teenage, "Hey! Let's make up a DANCE ROUTINE and tape it!" music video. We had the wardrobe (my sister's shit), we spent three hours on our hair (thank you AquaNet and hair crimper), we had extras (my 6 year old brother), we had lighting effects (a single black light, and LOTS of neon green stuff), we had my mom's old-school video camera and... We had NOTHING better to do. We were fucking professionals.

When we saw this video, we were pissed, and instantly hated these nouns. Why? Because they were TOO good. Because these fucking nouns took shit to the NEXT LEVEL of awesome. Because we didn't do it FIRST. But then, we had an epiphany. These nouns are our soul mates... We realized that there truly ARE people out there as retarded as we are, and *tear* it gave us hope for the future of bung. We now know that we should all probably meet and go party (or make music videos.... it's whatever).

Ladies and Bungholes: the Dirty Dancing Parody Bloopers, by Two Chicks We Don't Know, But Would Like To Meet.

Until we bung again...

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Just keepin' you updated on the LOLs that we come up with throughout the course of our work week via e-mail. Here's a small sampling:


"I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a LOLler, wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her..."
"I wish I was like 6'9" so I could get with LOLoeshi cuz she don't know me but yo she's really fine!"


Along Came PLOLly

New Kids on the BLOLck (Okay... that's a stretch, I know.)

LOL Mall Cigarettes

InterLOL Bleeding

"So, I'm saving LOL my love for you"

LOL American Rejects

American IdLOL

I LOLmost peed my pants

It's a LOL world after all! It's a LOL world after all!

Thank you, and good night.

Monday, January 12, 2009

You down with OBB?

Yeah, you know me!!!

So by now you may be wondering, why the BUNG blog?? Well, there is a perfectly good explanation for this....and it all begins with the OBB, AKA the Original Bung Book. You see, the bung BLOG is a technological upgrade of the OBB, a Bung Book Version 2.0, if you will. So get settled in and comfy and I'll begin my lesson for the day: Bung Book History 101.

First of all, to understand what happened to the OBB, you gotta understand who the OBB was. Now the OBB was born to a three-legged bitch of a mother. He was always ashamed of this, man. Oh wait.....wrong story....

The Bung Book actually began as a notebook between 2 high school girls (Ashley AKA Ash-Hole, Holio and Melissa AKA Militia, Bung) in December, 1994. It began as a means for passing notes in high school....only way cooler notes than your run-of-the-mill high school notes. The Bung Book included features such as Top 10 Lists (David Letterman style) and pasted-on magazine clippings. The name "The Bung Book" can only be attributed to Beavis and Butthead...and of course, the Bunghole Monster himself.

As time went on, additional sections were added to the Bung Book, including the "memories list" to document years worth of notable memories, quotes, sayings, Ashleyisms, and Melissofied words. "Picture Notes" also became a significant part of the Bung Book. To grasp the concept of a picture note, picture in your mind one of the funniest moments in your life. Now, imagine an illustration of that moment. Did it just get funnier?

Circa 2000, a Bung Song was written and added to the book. A Bung Book Sequel was produced in 2002.

Though the original Bung Book will never die and will forever be a treasure, it has had a rough life and after 14+ years of being passed around and even traveling the country (Bung Trip, August 2000) it is beginning to fall apart and needs to be preserved so that it may be enjoyed for generations to come. Thus, the Bung Blog.

While the Bung Blog is still in the beginning stages, the future plans of the blog include:

**Uploading picture notes from the OBB
**Transferring the Memories List...and adding to it
**Adding new features to the bung, including but not limited to: Unbung Heros

So there you have it, the history of the BUNG. And now that you are up-to-speed, please stay tuned for the future of the BUNG - promised to bring even greater memories, more laughs, and a whole new level of bang off!


I'm gonna dip my LOLs in it!

That is all.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

The 5 Senses.....Plus 2 More

So, we all know of the 5 senses:

1 - Sight
2 - Sound
3 - Smell
4 - Taste
5 - Touch

But the general public has over looked the 2 most important senses:

6 - Common
7 - Humor

Common sense is pretty much vital for having a sense of humor. And a sense of humor is just vital in life, period. I can't imagine what life would be like without having a 7th. My bestie & I have pretty bad ass 7ths. Oh yeah, and as previously mentioned, our 7ths are wet & sloppy. That is all.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Ode To a Coney Loaf

Since this blog is dedicated to "All Things Bung," I feel the need to not only provide the world with the definition of a coney loaf, but to also continue to document my own coney experiences as I have in journals past.

First things first. Perhaps you've seen the famous "poopie list" ? If not, here you go:

Ghost Poopie - The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie - The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie - The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie - This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie - The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Gassy Poopie - It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Poopie - The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Poopie - The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie - Self-explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie - The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie - That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) - The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie - The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie - It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise Poopie - You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!! (Also known as a shart - because you SHit when you mean to fART)

The Dangling Poopie - This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose

While I do agree that this list is sheer genius, I feel that a very specific type of "poopie," or BUNG, if you will, has been over looked. This, my friends, is known as the coney loaf.

Coney Loaf - A loaf of poop nearly a foot long or more, resembling the appearance of a footlong hot dog (or coney, if you will), thus being named the CONEY LOAF. Coney Loaves are most notable for their occurance after a long night of binge drinking, but are also known to make other surprise appearances here and there.

Now, I suppose you could call a coney loaf a lincoln log poopie, but let's just face it - the word "poopie" is just down right efin gay. So there you have it, the bung experts themselves refer to this type of bung as a coney loaf, 2:0.

If you have ever coney loafed, please post here! I will document my coney loaf occurances for you because, well, who doesn't want to keep up with my bowels? Really?

More LOLs

**LOLs to the walls

AND, if you're one of those people prone to peeing your pants when you LOL excessively, you might want to look into:

**getting your LOL bladder romoved. Srsly....LOL stones are no bueno.

Friday, January 9, 2009

LOLs, Part Deux

**London Bridge is LOLing down
**LOLogna sandwich with cheese
**LOLngaberger baskets

**LOL of the above
**summer sLOLstice

**Your LOLs are showing be continued


LOLs should really be used more often and need to be incorporated into everyday life. Phrases such as "I LOLed my ass off" and "I'm LOLlygagging" should be used by all periodically throughout the day. Here are some of our other fave useages of LOL:

**LOLburger Helper
**LOLlypop guild
**Deck the LOLs with boughs of holly, fLOL la la la la la la la la
**More LOL Bell!
**The list goes LOLn and LOLn.........

Please feel free to add your own LOLs to the list!


May the record now show that there are official rules to this BUNG blog, as ordered by the Chairman of the Blog, and as noted by the Secretary of the Blog:

The words BUNG and BANGOFF, whether by themselves, hyphenated, or incorporated into another word, shall be typed in a bold-style font and in a color other than the surrounding text. This color may be of the blogger's choosing.

Stupid, unmatching, or otherwise fucked up colors are strictly forbidden.

Your balls are showing...

Some people have a dry sense of humor. You will soon learn from me and my bestie in the whole effing world that our sense of humor is not dry at all - it's actually wet and sloppy.

But first, a little about me.

Ladylike? No. Crude? Yes. And now you've met me - in a nutshell. ("How did I get into this bloody nutshell?" ~ Austin Powers) Oh yeah, and now you also know that I enjoy quoting the best movies of our generation - I'm sure we'll get a full list together for you in blogs to come.

I am 29 years old, and I still think that butts (aka the tops of your legs), random word burps, and farts are hilarious. Ask my husband. I've actually gotten into a fairly gross habit of saying "yikes" while burping. Every single time I burp. Sometimes in public (on accident, of course). It started out as something funny to do, but now I don't even notice I'm doing it anymore.

But one of the funniest things to me, crudely speaking, is BALLS. That one word, whether used in the genitalia context, the golf context, the Wal-Mart toy aisle context, or just all by itself as a sentence, can reduce me to tears of gut-splitting laughter... and sometimes it makes me feel like I have a piece of hair in my mouth... But I'm getting off subject here. Moral of the story? The word is damn funny. My weirdocity right now is randomly telling people that their balls are showing. Gender doesn't matter, really... Neither does age or species for that matter. If there's an awkward silence, if I need a snappy comeback, if I can't think of anything to put for my Facebook status, and especially if my female cat is acting like a cracked-out jackass... It's honestly the first thing that comes to mind. It just falls out of my brain, and apparently my brain has horrible hand-eye coordination and can't catch it before it falls out of my mouth...

In fact, when I sat down to a blank blogging screen, on my maiden voyage into blogdom, I'm at my wits end trying to think of something really GREAT to write about, I come up with...

Your balls are showing.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Bung it up, Kris!

I'm about to!
Bung it up, Kris!
That's what I was born to do!

It's the official Bung Blog, bitches! This has been years in the making and a technological follow-up to the Bung Book, originated in '94. So yeah, buddy wassssssupp?!?!?! OMIGA!

Let the LOLs begin!

-HoLiOooOoooOoOOooOoOoOooOoOO - ( I need TP for my bung hooooOOOOoooooOooOoooooooOOoOOoOOooOoOooOooOoole! )