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Saturday, January 10, 2009

Ode To a Coney Loaf

Since this blog is dedicated to "All Things Bung," I feel the need to not only provide the world with the definition of a coney loaf, but to also continue to document my own coney experiences as I have in journals past.

First things first. Perhaps you've seen the famous "poopie list" ? If not, here you go:

Ghost Poopie - The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie - The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie - The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie - This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie - The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Gassy Poopie - It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Drinker Poopie - The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

Lincoln Log Poopie - The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie - Self-explanatory.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie - The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie - That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) - The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie - The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie - It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Surprise Poopie - You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!! (Also known as a shart - because you SHit when you mean to fART)

The Dangling Poopie - This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose

While I do agree that this list is sheer genius, I feel that a very specific type of "poopie," or BUNG, if you will, has been over looked. This, my friends, is known as the coney loaf.

Coney Loaf - A loaf of poop nearly a foot long or more, resembling the appearance of a footlong hot dog (or coney, if you will), thus being named the CONEY LOAF. Coney Loaves are most notable for their occurance after a long night of binge drinking, but are also known to make other surprise appearances here and there.

Now, I suppose you could call a coney loaf a lincoln log poopie, but let's just face it - the word "poopie" is just down right efin gay. So there you have it, the bung experts themselves refer to this type of bung as a coney loaf, 2:0.

If you have ever coney loafed, please post here! I will document my coney loaf occurances for you because, well, who doesn't want to keep up with my bowels? Really?

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