Life Lessons in Rap

Today's Life Lesson in Rap: When afflicted with rap writer's block and feeling like a shitty rapper, simply make up a rap about how you're NOT a shitty rapper:

My style of rappin, my style
I'm such such a good rapper, I'm such a good rapper
I give you good and plenty, yeah yeah
My styles the bomb diggy, my style
My style of rappin
I'm such such a good rapper, I'm such a good rapper
I give you good and plenty hmmm hmmm
My style the bomb diggy
(Chorus from Missy Elliott's 'I'm Talkin')

Okay, Missy. We get it. Thanks for the reminder.

My kind of math...

I'm not a math person, never have been, never will be. But I don't feel alone - 3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions, or so I hear. Enjoy these intelligent math solutions:

Real Life LOL...

Here it is, kids.... A real life tender moment, forever preserved in time:

A family laughing out loud about olives.

They probably put them back into the serving dish when they were done
fucking around with them. Remember that at your next holiday dinner.

And now, a few honorable mentions that I LOLed about:

Then what? Sunflower oil is made out of sunflowers?

Corn oil is made out of corn?
Vegetable oil is made from vegetables?
This shirt is fucking stupid.

But, unfortunately no one will love you because you wear faggoty shirts.

Bringing the hilarity back into pouring olive oil.

Thirsty Thursday: Kegerator

Welcome to Thirsty Thursday!
Today, we explore and pay homage to the evolution of the Kegerator.

For those of you who are unfamiliar and/or retarded,
Kegerator is a marriage of two words: Keg + Refrigerator. Figure it out, idiots.

See, Keg and Refrigerator had been making eyes at each other for years.
Keg was sick of his relationship with Icy Trashcan - she was always having meltdowns that left him lukewarm and flat the next morning. Fridge was fed up with her Cases of Beer, who always stayed so bottled up, and were always out of juice way too soon. Keg secretly wanted to get inside of Fridge, and Fridge was dying for someone to drill a hole into her and insert their spout.

* insert beer porn music here*

Now, the Kegerator came from modest beginnings,
as is evident from this fantastic redneck invention:

Slowly, Kegerator grew more sophisticaed,
and discovered a newfound attraction to fraternity guys.

Soon, she was opening her doors and flashing her tubes to any Tom, Dick, and Lucy.
Word spread, and everyone was doing her.

This classy young lady is shown proudly giving head to a Kegerator.
It's probably giving her plenty of "head" as well.

This school-minded college boy only has one glass to his name, and it's full of solidified milk.
No sense creating more dirty dishes than is absolutely necessary.

A Kegerator with choices: Because you're the only cheap fuck that likes Natty Light.

This proud Kegerator owner enjoys beer as much as he enjoys playing with balls.

Rocket scientists who love broskies. I've got news for you, nerds:
Your fancy ass Kegerator will be rendered useless
the first time Delbert gets wasted and blows chunks on the keyboard.

Thirsty? Saunter over to your nearest Kegerator, and give its shaft a little tug.
Cups optional.

Real Life LOL of the Day - LOLive Garden!

It's that time again, folks. Today, we at The Bung Blog, would like to present you with another Real Life LOL. So here you have it, yo: LOLive Garden. We invite and encourage you to use this phrase in a real life convo today. An example would be: "I LOLed so hard, I LOLed right on down to the LOLive Garden." Thanks for stopping by, and happy LOLing.

Thirsty Thursday: The Bung Slinger

It's Thirsty Thursday, yo! And you know what that means....time to pay tribute to a special alcoholic beverage. Today's featured beverage is the one and only BungSlinger. Now, the bung slinger may not be the tastiest of shots (let's face it, the alcohol used is Jack Daniels), but what's not to love about ANYTHING with "bung" in the title!

So get out there today and treat yourself to some bung!


Bung Slinger

Drink Type: Shooter - B
Ingredients
1/3 oz. 7-Up - (more)
1/3 oz. Jack Daniel's Whiskey - (more)
1/3 oz. Orange Juice - (more)

Instructions:
Combine in a shot glass & go for it!

WTF Wednesday

Welcome to another riveting edition of WTF Wednesday, where we discuss topics that make us say WTF?! Today's topic: the name "Trig," (namely Sarah Palin's lack of taste in child naming).

Let me first preface this blog with the fact that I would NEVER make fun of a child, let alone a child with a disability. I will, however, make all the fun in the world of Sarah Palin, a woman whose idiocracy makes me embarrassed to have ovaries.

Now seriously, who in their right mind (okay, okay, she's not in her right mind, so that should be our first sine right there) would name their child "Trig"?! As in TRIGONOMATRY!! I mean, really, this pretty much borders on child abuse. You know that's just setting him up to be called all sorts of names for the rest of his life. I can just picture it now:


"Hey Calculus!"
"Um, my name is Trig."
"Excuse me, Trigonomtry."
"No, just TRIG."

He'll constantly be hit up for help in geometry and algebra. He'll totally have to prove his worth to his classmates....he'll have to prove it like a theorem. This just isn't right (nor is it a right angle). I mean, the name is funny. I LOLed. You can even say I LOLgarithmed. But when it comes down to it, Sarah Palin once again makes me say WTF?!

Okay, I'm done with my tangent now. Really.

**This text color denotes math related terms for the numerically challenged.**

Real Life LOL of the Day!

Here it is, folks - your real life LOL of the day: summer sLOLstice. I invite you to use this LOL in a real life convo today. Go ahead, summer sLOLstice your bungholes off!

Ever seen "Walker, Texas Ranger".... on weeeeeeed?

So, most of you know by now that here at The Bung Blog, we feature a new clip every week of Chuck Norris. Sometimes we show clips of ol' Chuckles roundhousing four dudes in a row. Sometimes he's endorsing a non-winning presidential candidate. Sometimes we zoom in real close and just slowly watch his beard grow. You never know what it's going to be, but one thing is for sure... it WILL be fuckin' awesome.

Last week, I found a Chuck clip like no other Chuck clips, and I just can't let it go without telling you about it. This is actually the reaction of two stoners watching an old episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger". Apparently, one of them gets the munchies and heads off to the kitchen during the most crucial part of the television program, and weirdness ensues. Check it out:




The best part? They were videotaping their TV playing the old-ass episode.

So, here's to you, stoners. Have another hit and rewind that shit.

Birthday: Bloggified!

Does everyone know what today is?! Not only is it the 69th day of the year (true story!) and the 32nd anniversary of the day astronomers discovered rings around Uranus (also true - there's a lot of cool shit about March 10th!!!) but is also the 30th anniversary of the day The Militia was expulsed from her mother's uterus! That's right, folks - please join me in wishing a fan-fucking-tastic 30th birthday upon my homie, my partner-in-crime, co-author of The Bung Blog: THE MILITIA!

This chica and I go waaaaaay back! I'm talking back to when our age was displayed in single digits, back when Reagan was the prez, and back before internetting (even DIAL UP!!!). 1986 was the year, and had it not been for a horrific wardrobe malfunction (a theme in our lives) in Mrs. Cooper's 2nd grade class, we just might not be where we are today. What would the world be like without Ash-Hole & The Militia?? Well, there would certainly be fewer water gun drive-by's, The Bung Blog would not exist (nor would the OBB - Original Bung Book), and the 7th sense would be completely unknown to all.

What have we been through in our near-23 years of BEST friendship? What HAVEN'T we been through?! From jumping on trampolines together and playing with our imaginary friend "Jade" who lived in the drain of my parents' pool, to driving across the country together and being in each others' weddings, we've been through it all. We've been roommates, we've been houligans, we've been hungover (duh), we've been considered straight up insane by most, we've been drunk, we've been in fights, we've nearly been arrested, we've been kicked out of public places, we've been each other's life lines. The Militia has always been here for me - she pushed me on the tire swing, she shared my first beer and first cigarette with me (both of which we stole from her step-dad), she let me cry on her shoulder during my first broken heart, she's held my hair while I puked on MANY occasions, she helped me move across the country when my relationship fell apart, she gave me a place to live when I had no where else to go, she stood up with me at my wedding, she STILL lets me call her to cry when things aren't going well, and she will always ALWAYS be my asexual vanilla!

So here's to all the horrible karoke we've sung, all the dancing on bars we've done, and to what is known as BUNG! May the next decade of your life be as bad assed as the first 3!

HAPPY 30th HOLMES!!! I LOVE YER ASS!!!

Funky Fresh Friday: An Amendment to Thugged Out Thursday

So, I totally fuckin' missed Thugged Out Thursday, and I'll be honest - I feel bad about it. I mean, I know... I realize... that our faithful followers need to be BUNG-rushed on a daily basis. Therefore, today I bring you Funky Fresh Friday: Thugged Out Thursday... A Day Late.

To make it up to you, I've composed a little ditty - okay, a hard core, thugged out, midwest white-girl rap. So, grab your nearest co-worker and tell them to lay down a phat beat before you bitch slap 'em:

I'm sorry that I've lately been a BUNG Blog neglector
Just workin' stayin' busy, and my boss' name is Hector (that's true!)
Don't be talkin' shit, cuz I got a shit deflector
When I'm rollin' on the Turnpike, man, I'm payin' that Collector

With my ninja skills, bitch, I'm the mad protector
Even if you put a fence up, I'mma roll up on yo' sector
I'll build a Lego staircase, I gets down like a connector
Mutha fucka, I'm invisible, I'll creep in like a spector

When I gets drunk and crunk, yo I'm a vomit projector
Ya'll bitches exit stage right - I'm the fuckin' BUNG director.

My so LOLled Life...

LOLs are amazing. They most ofen stand alone to announce to the world that we are 1) probably lying about the fact that we laughing out loud while we are typing, and 2) that we are lazy as shit because we can't even type out "laughing out loud" anymore to express our utmost joy.

BUT... LOLs are also included in some really great words, just as they are included in real life.

It hit us. I bet someone out there has laughed out loud while actually IN THE ACT of doing a LOL-included word!

Here at The Bung Blog, we vow to search the world over (aka do a Google search) to bring these LOL words to life for you, by presenting you with visual evidence that LOLs do in fact happen.

Today's LOLification: sLOLom.

Photo Album Friday!

Welcome to Photo Album Friday! This week we will be featuring photos from my 30th birthday party. The theme: debauchery! Enjoy!

There you have it, folks. Lots of bolligerance, debauchery, shots, jager bombs, 7th's, crazy poses, drinking, craziness, insanity, followed by more drinking, craziness, and insanity. Words just don't describe....but the pics sure do.

Until we bung again!