unBUNG Heroes: On the Clock Idiotics

My idea of screwing around at work involves checking my Facebook and playing Spider Solitaire. These fine gentlemen, however, win the title belt of time-wasting at the work place. And I did say gentlemen, as in plural. Usually a person goes out of their way to make it look like they are NOT screwing around at work, and most generally go it alone. Not these dudes - they laugh in the face of job security and really go for some truly spectacular group slacking-off. And then they shared it with the world. It makes me feel both insanely proud and terribly inadequate, and I wish these guys were my BFFs.

Fellow BUNG Blogger, The Ash-hole, found this video on her friend's blog, fairweatherrunner.blogspot.com. Apparently, The Fair Weather Runner is just as proud of her brother-in-law's work ethic as we are!

We at the BUNG Blog are proud to present these "Lords of Lying Down on the Job" with our most prestigious title: you are our unBUNG Heroes. Keep those webcams rolling.

The last time I blogged? Nineteen Schfifty Five

"It's been a long time. We shouldn't have left you. Without a dope beat to step to. Bikka bikka bikka baby girl." If you know that song, you're just as retarded as we are!

It's true, though. We shouldn't have aBUNGdoned you as we have. Just for that, I'm going to teach you a little something about my favorite number:

True Story Tuesday: Real Life Wedding Crashers

It's that time of year: wedding season. It's the time of year when your weekends fill up with weddings and all the related festivities. And once all of the craziness and months (or even years) of preparation have finally concluded and all the stress from all the details and events are finally out of the way, it's time to cut loose and celebrate!

Over the past several years, my husband and I have participated in several of our friends' weddings. And through the years, we have learned a couple of very valuable lessons: A) We should not be allowed to consume alcoholic beverages at such events or 2) We simply should not be invited.

Case in point: I was a bridesmaid in my very good friend's wedding 2 years ago this very day. At the reception, after a few too many glasses of wine, I thought it would be a great idea to go ahead and catch the bouquet. And yes, I was already married at the time. Not only did I catch the bouquet, but I DOVE for the darn thing, knocking all others out of my way to ensure that the bouquet was MINE. And by "all others," I mean a 4-year-old girl that desperately wanted to be the lucky one to catch the beloved bouquet. What followed it a bit of a blur, but I believe it was something along the lines of me spiking the bouquet into the dance floor as the little girl burst into tears. Needless to say, the bride was not too impressed...nor were most of the guests. In the end, I did feel bad, and I did give the bouquet to the little girl. The picture the photographer took of the bride with the bouquet-catcher was a photo of a splotchy-faced girl who had just been crying. As an aside, I'm not quite clear about this, but it's very possible that I passed out at a dinner table at the reception.

This past weekend was no exception to the wedding craziness. Only THIS time, it was my husband that acted a fool. The first sign that he had too much to drink was when he stepped on the dance floor. Let me tell you that in all the years we have been together, not ONCE have I ever EVER seen him dance. What he proceeded to do was a cross between skipping in place and a slow-motion running man. Apparently he thought he looked good because he continued to do this move throughout the rest of the night...first with the bride, and then with several other guests and bridesmaids.

By the end of the night, the man I call my husband had managed to vomit in a center piece, eject 2 glass vases from a moving vehicle into the middle of the street in a quiet residential area, drop and shatter a third glass vase in our driveway, and urinate in the corner of our bedroom. I'm not writing this post to entertain you...but more to WARN you: unless you want to see debauchery in full effect, DO NOT INVITE US TO YOUR WEDDING!

WTF Wednesday: Well, Hell's Bells...

Welcome to The Bung Blog's newest edition of WTF Wednesday.

This is an honest-to-goodness WTF. Let's even slow it down a bit: W. T. F.
Here's to making your mommy and daddy proud on national television...

This little gem comes to us from bangedup.com:



And a quick note to bangedup.com:
I could very well LOVE your site, except that I have to enter my credit card information in order to view it for "age verification purposes". Sure wish I could just say, "yeah, I'm 18" and get in. And don't I WISH I was only 18 again...

True Story Tuesday: Mommy's Keg Stand

I would like to give a shout out to our beloved follower, Jess,
for telling us to get off our asses and blogificate again.
This one's for you!

So, my brother graduated from college over the weekend.
Afterwards, he held the obligatory keg party in which family and friends attended.
Hilarity ensued when my mother, who in high school was known as "Two Can Judy"
decided it might be a nice time, at the tender age of 56, to do her first Keg Stand.

It was amazing! She even had good form! Someone came running up with their camera and said, "awwwww. I totally missed it," to which my mother replied, "I'll do it again!!!"

And so she did.

NOTE: Apologies for the audio. This was taken hastily with my camera phone, and somehow between my camera and my computer, the audio took a turn for the worse.
Although, I personally think it adds a little something to the video!

Notice the stumbling afterwards. And at the very end... is that a possible upchuck?

Feel Bungtastic!!

We, at The Bung Blog, like to promote all things BUNG.

With that being said, you can imagine our surprise when we found an add for BUNG Balm! For one, how is there ANYTHING out there at this point in time with the word "BUNG" in it that we are not yet aware of?? And secondly, hello - we have Google Ads! Get that shit on there! We need an ad for Bung Balm, yo! So that ALL of our readers can feel Bungtastic ALL the time!

Photo Friday: Not Your Typical Peep Show

In honor of Easter, here is a peep show for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!

Ninja: High School Dance Edition

This thirsty Ninja's got some serious balls. And now, possibly mono.

Deep Thoughts Thursday

And THAT, my friends, is a DEEP THOUGHT THURSDAY.

Crappy Haircut

Now I know that everyone at one point in their lives has walked out of the hair stylist, looked in the car's rearview mirror for a quick inspection, and burst into tears. I myself have raced home from the beauty salon and started hacking away furiously with a pair of kitchen scissors to try to undo some of the haircut mishap damage. (FYI, this doesn't work.)

Hell, I've had my bestie give me a short haircut in 8th grade, which incidentally turned my head into a giant mushroom cloud. Once in high school, we even decided it would be a great idea to color our hair pumpkin orange, which I quickly realized didn't look great with my skin tone or ANY outfit you could ever possibly purchase.

But I must say, I've never had a shitty haircut quite like this one:



I've also never seen a turd fashioned out of hair before, but I guess I can check that off my "things to experience before I die" list.

WTF Wednesday: Petal Blossom Rainbow

If you are up to speed with your celebrity gossip, then you know by now that chef Jamie Oliver and his wife are the proud parents of a baby girl born April 3rd: Petal Blossom Rainbow. Seriously people, that's her name.

Um...I'm just wondering, were the parents on ecstacy when they named her? Why not opt for Glitter Sunshine Sparkle? Or Happy Love Skittle? I mean really...all three of those names are pretty far fetched...but could probably be pulled off if placed with a normal name. For example, Elizabeth Blossom Oliver, Petal Marie Oliver, or even Samantha Rainbow Oliver. But really - Petal Blossom Rainbow?? We, at the Bung Blog, feel that this borders on child abuse...and we only have one thing to say of this: WTF?!?!

http://www.usmagazine.com/news/rep-celeb-chef-jamie-oliver-welcomes-daughter-petal-200934

Funky Fresh Friday: "B to the M"

We at The Bung Blog wish to introduce you to our official mascot.
This sour cream & onion breath bastard of a mythical creature was created by your Bung Blog authors 15 years ago on a high school basketball bus trip. A distant cousin to Napoleon Dynamite's "Liger", he had us from "Eat shit, Bunghole Breath!"

Today, we breathe life into our gelatinous glob by giving him a voice.
Here for your listening pleasure, I'm pleased to present - for the very first time ANYWHERE - The Bunghole Monster's first rap single, entitled "B to the M."

Please leave your comments for the BungMaster Flash!

WTF Wednesday

This post really requires no words......just WTF.

WTF Wednesday

"Okay, everybody smile and say 'rabies'!"

Okay, so I laughed, nay, cackled about this until I started snorting, which in turn made me cry, which in turn caused a 10-ish minute long coughing fit.

But totally worth it.

Just another happy trip to the zoo.

Seriously, W. T. F.

Life Lessons in Rap

Today's Life Lesson in Rap: When afflicted with rap writer's block and feeling like a shitty rapper, simply make up a rap about how you're NOT a shitty rapper:

My style of rappin, my style
I'm such such a good rapper, I'm such a good rapper
I give you good and plenty, yeah yeah
My styles the bomb diggy, my style
My style of rappin
I'm such such a good rapper, I'm such a good rapper
I give you good and plenty hmmm hmmm
My style the bomb diggy
(Chorus from Missy Elliott's 'I'm Talkin')

Okay, Missy. We get it. Thanks for the reminder.

My kind of math...

I'm not a math person, never have been, never will be. But I don't feel alone - 3 out of 2 people have trouble with fractions, or so I hear. Enjoy these intelligent math solutions:

Real Life LOL...

Here it is, kids.... A real life tender moment, forever preserved in time:

A family laughing out loud about olives.

They probably put them back into the serving dish when they were done
fucking around with them. Remember that at your next holiday dinner.

And now, a few honorable mentions that I LOLed about:

Then what? Sunflower oil is made out of sunflowers?

Corn oil is made out of corn?
Vegetable oil is made from vegetables?
This shirt is fucking stupid.

But, unfortunately no one will love you because you wear faggoty shirts.

Bringing the hilarity back into pouring olive oil.

Thirsty Thursday: Kegerator

Welcome to Thirsty Thursday!
Today, we explore and pay homage to the evolution of the Kegerator.

For those of you who are unfamiliar and/or retarded,
Kegerator is a marriage of two words: Keg + Refrigerator. Figure it out, idiots.

See, Keg and Refrigerator had been making eyes at each other for years.
Keg was sick of his relationship with Icy Trashcan - she was always having meltdowns that left him lukewarm and flat the next morning. Fridge was fed up with her Cases of Beer, who always stayed so bottled up, and were always out of juice way too soon. Keg secretly wanted to get inside of Fridge, and Fridge was dying for someone to drill a hole into her and insert their spout.

* insert beer porn music here*

Now, the Kegerator came from modest beginnings,
as is evident from this fantastic redneck invention:

Slowly, Kegerator grew more sophisticaed,
and discovered a newfound attraction to fraternity guys.

Soon, she was opening her doors and flashing her tubes to any Tom, Dick, and Lucy.
Word spread, and everyone was doing her.

This classy young lady is shown proudly giving head to a Kegerator.
It's probably giving her plenty of "head" as well.

This school-minded college boy only has one glass to his name, and it's full of solidified milk.
No sense creating more dirty dishes than is absolutely necessary.

A Kegerator with choices: Because you're the only cheap fuck that likes Natty Light.

This proud Kegerator owner enjoys beer as much as he enjoys playing with balls.

Rocket scientists who love broskies. I've got news for you, nerds:
Your fancy ass Kegerator will be rendered useless
the first time Delbert gets wasted and blows chunks on the keyboard.

Thirsty? Saunter over to your nearest Kegerator, and give its shaft a little tug.
Cups optional.

Real Life LOL of the Day - LOLive Garden!

It's that time again, folks. Today, we at The Bung Blog, would like to present you with another Real Life LOL. So here you have it, yo: LOLive Garden. We invite and encourage you to use this phrase in a real life convo today. An example would be: "I LOLed so hard, I LOLed right on down to the LOLive Garden." Thanks for stopping by, and happy LOLing.

Thirsty Thursday: The Bung Slinger

It's Thirsty Thursday, yo! And you know what that means....time to pay tribute to a special alcoholic beverage. Today's featured beverage is the one and only BungSlinger. Now, the bung slinger may not be the tastiest of shots (let's face it, the alcohol used is Jack Daniels), but what's not to love about ANYTHING with "bung" in the title!

So get out there today and treat yourself to some bung!


Bung Slinger

Drink Type: Shooter - B
Ingredients
1/3 oz. 7-Up - (more)
1/3 oz. Jack Daniel's Whiskey - (more)
1/3 oz. Orange Juice - (more)

Instructions:
Combine in a shot glass & go for it!

WTF Wednesday

Welcome to another riveting edition of WTF Wednesday, where we discuss topics that make us say WTF?! Today's topic: the name "Trig," (namely Sarah Palin's lack of taste in child naming).

Let me first preface this blog with the fact that I would NEVER make fun of a child, let alone a child with a disability. I will, however, make all the fun in the world of Sarah Palin, a woman whose idiocracy makes me embarrassed to have ovaries.

Now seriously, who in their right mind (okay, okay, she's not in her right mind, so that should be our first sine right there) would name their child "Trig"?! As in TRIGONOMATRY!! I mean, really, this pretty much borders on child abuse. You know that's just setting him up to be called all sorts of names for the rest of his life. I can just picture it now:


"Hey Calculus!"
"Um, my name is Trig."
"Excuse me, Trigonomtry."
"No, just TRIG."

He'll constantly be hit up for help in geometry and algebra. He'll totally have to prove his worth to his classmates....he'll have to prove it like a theorem. This just isn't right (nor is it a right angle). I mean, the name is funny. I LOLed. You can even say I LOLgarithmed. But when it comes down to it, Sarah Palin once again makes me say WTF?!

Okay, I'm done with my tangent now. Really.

**This text color denotes math related terms for the numerically challenged.**

Real Life LOL of the Day!

Here it is, folks - your real life LOL of the day: summer sLOLstice. I invite you to use this LOL in a real life convo today. Go ahead, summer sLOLstice your bungholes off!

Ever seen "Walker, Texas Ranger".... on weeeeeeed?

So, most of you know by now that here at The Bung Blog, we feature a new clip every week of Chuck Norris. Sometimes we show clips of ol' Chuckles roundhousing four dudes in a row. Sometimes he's endorsing a non-winning presidential candidate. Sometimes we zoom in real close and just slowly watch his beard grow. You never know what it's going to be, but one thing is for sure... it WILL be fuckin' awesome.

Last week, I found a Chuck clip like no other Chuck clips, and I just can't let it go without telling you about it. This is actually the reaction of two stoners watching an old episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger". Apparently, one of them gets the munchies and heads off to the kitchen during the most crucial part of the television program, and weirdness ensues. Check it out:




The best part? They were videotaping their TV playing the old-ass episode.

So, here's to you, stoners. Have another hit and rewind that shit.

Birthday: Bloggified!

Does everyone know what today is?! Not only is it the 69th day of the year (true story!) and the 32nd anniversary of the day astronomers discovered rings around Uranus (also true - there's a lot of cool shit about March 10th!!!) but is also the 30th anniversary of the day The Militia was expulsed from her mother's uterus! That's right, folks - please join me in wishing a fan-fucking-tastic 30th birthday upon my homie, my partner-in-crime, co-author of The Bung Blog: THE MILITIA!

This chica and I go waaaaaay back! I'm talking back to when our age was displayed in single digits, back when Reagan was the prez, and back before internetting (even DIAL UP!!!). 1986 was the year, and had it not been for a horrific wardrobe malfunction (a theme in our lives) in Mrs. Cooper's 2nd grade class, we just might not be where we are today. What would the world be like without Ash-Hole & The Militia?? Well, there would certainly be fewer water gun drive-by's, The Bung Blog would not exist (nor would the OBB - Original Bung Book), and the 7th sense would be completely unknown to all.

What have we been through in our near-23 years of BEST friendship? What HAVEN'T we been through?! From jumping on trampolines together and playing with our imaginary friend "Jade" who lived in the drain of my parents' pool, to driving across the country together and being in each others' weddings, we've been through it all. We've been roommates, we've been houligans, we've been hungover (duh), we've been considered straight up insane by most, we've been drunk, we've been in fights, we've nearly been arrested, we've been kicked out of public places, we've been each other's life lines. The Militia has always been here for me - she pushed me on the tire swing, she shared my first beer and first cigarette with me (both of which we stole from her step-dad), she let me cry on her shoulder during my first broken heart, she's held my hair while I puked on MANY occasions, she helped me move across the country when my relationship fell apart, she gave me a place to live when I had no where else to go, she stood up with me at my wedding, she STILL lets me call her to cry when things aren't going well, and she will always ALWAYS be my asexual vanilla!

So here's to all the horrible karoke we've sung, all the dancing on bars we've done, and to what is known as BUNG! May the next decade of your life be as bad assed as the first 3!

HAPPY 30th HOLMES!!! I LOVE YER ASS!!!

Funky Fresh Friday: An Amendment to Thugged Out Thursday

So, I totally fuckin' missed Thugged Out Thursday, and I'll be honest - I feel bad about it. I mean, I know... I realize... that our faithful followers need to be BUNG-rushed on a daily basis. Therefore, today I bring you Funky Fresh Friday: Thugged Out Thursday... A Day Late.

To make it up to you, I've composed a little ditty - okay, a hard core, thugged out, midwest white-girl rap. So, grab your nearest co-worker and tell them to lay down a phat beat before you bitch slap 'em:

I'm sorry that I've lately been a BUNG Blog neglector
Just workin' stayin' busy, and my boss' name is Hector (that's true!)
Don't be talkin' shit, cuz I got a shit deflector
When I'm rollin' on the Turnpike, man, I'm payin' that Collector

With my ninja skills, bitch, I'm the mad protector
Even if you put a fence up, I'mma roll up on yo' sector
I'll build a Lego staircase, I gets down like a connector
Mutha fucka, I'm invisible, I'll creep in like a spector

When I gets drunk and crunk, yo I'm a vomit projector
Ya'll bitches exit stage right - I'm the fuckin' BUNG director.

My so LOLled Life...

LOLs are amazing. They most ofen stand alone to announce to the world that we are 1) probably lying about the fact that we laughing out loud while we are typing, and 2) that we are lazy as shit because we can't even type out "laughing out loud" anymore to express our utmost joy.

BUT... LOLs are also included in some really great words, just as they are included in real life.

It hit us. I bet someone out there has laughed out loud while actually IN THE ACT of doing a LOL-included word!

Here at The Bung Blog, we vow to search the world over (aka do a Google search) to bring these LOL words to life for you, by presenting you with visual evidence that LOLs do in fact happen.

Today's LOLification: sLOLom.

Photo Album Friday!

Welcome to Photo Album Friday! This week we will be featuring photos from my 30th birthday party. The theme: debauchery! Enjoy!

There you have it, folks. Lots of bolligerance, debauchery, shots, jager bombs, 7th's, crazy poses, drinking, craziness, insanity, followed by more drinking, craziness, and insanity. Words just don't describe....but the pics sure do.

Until we bung again!